


Destiel - Inktober

by bakers_impala221



Series: Poetry [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Autumn Leaves, Bats, Black Cats/Black Dogs, Blood, Candles, Candy, Costumes, Cursed objects, Fire, Fog, Food, Heaven or Hell, Hoodo, Hunt Aftermath, Inktober, M/M, Magic, Ouija Board, Party Aftermath, Poetry, Possession, Pumpkin carving, Scarves, Scooby Doo - Freeform, Shadows - Freeform, Skeletons, Sweaters, Windows - Freeform, destiel poetry, falling, fangs, graveyard, horror movies, potion, trick or treat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20962082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakers_impala221/pseuds/bakers_impala221
Summary: Destiel poetry inspired by the Inktober prompt list by fallnangelcreations (Tumblr)(Can technically be read as general romantic/angsty poetry)(Prompt list is in the tags)





	1. Autumn Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date at the park

The vivid colours light up the backdrop against seasoned green.  
The wind sighs wistfully in spacious sweeps  
To brush over the hair across your forehead  
As I gaze at you.

Your eyes are as vividly blue as the sky  
Where once you flew like the killdeer above us, your head lost in the clouds  
Before I grounded you like the leaves-

Or so you said.

I was the Fall  
Which graced your sweet rosy cheeks and peppered heartache.  
And you swore that when you listened,  
You could hear my heartbeat-  
Racing-  
Waiting, as the half-winter breeze sidled the treeline.

You shiver in your trenchcoat,  
But your breath is like a furnace,  
Lighting fear and desperation  
In my eyes.

And then the world falls silent,  
I know you have alighted,  
I watched your fall; spinning.

We're autumn leaves  
Caught in the breeze  
And drifting.


	2. Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer's possession of Cas

Your voice -soft and strong-

Broke through the fear, and turned it to guilt.

Silk; golden apologies; frozen lies

And all the love you'd never give in to.

I'd opt to close my eyes,

To ignore your desperate pleas--

The thickness in the air. Dark eyes.

Bloodstained and begging my return.

I've submitted; given in--

But not through his morbid trap.

Inflamed by all the bitterness

That had me restrained to silence.

From promises, to whispers

Screaming the forbidden secret.

Inferred, like always; implied.

And you had your eyes set on the ending;

Not failure. Not betrayal.

In slumped shoulders of burden.

But his lies are perfect harmony

And he is the heart of sin.

How could I have conquered?

You needed me to win.

I long to offer an explanation

But I can't give up this fight--

Not now.

Not when the dark grows thicker every night,

And we are losing. Hopelessly.

I understand what you think

Is necessity.

But I am alone here,

And that's okay.

Because I'm not worth

The universe--

All of God's creation

Burned into nothing.

You do not need me

The way you might think

You do.


	3. Pumpkin Carving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Halloween, Cas wants to carve pumpkins. Begrudgingly, Dean accepts.

You turn to me, knife in hand,

Your face lights up like the Jack-o'-lantern

Your carving into.

Your messy table and messy grin

Lights the room

Brighter than the candles lined in a row.

It's strange, I think,

To examine where joy comes from-

For me, it's been always you.

We'll fall in love in the candlelight;

Bathed in soft orange.

How all this happened, I may never know.


	4. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon-Dean

Your jet eyes stare down at me from the rafters,

High, in your manic sight and trickling blood.

From here, the demons expelled from the inside are taking over,

and you don't feel love;

All you feel is pain--

And you mistake it for hate.

The cries bend their way through echoing halls

In the isolated torture chamber you've locked yourself in.

You're scared and full of fear

Of the world; of yourself,

And convinced the world no longer needs saving.

I've tried to mend this--

Change your mind.

But you're all-consumed with hurt.

Smothered with love;

Covered in blood.

And I don't know which is worse.


	5. Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiel real-world AU  
A secret relationship in a small, conservative town

The early morning was always our time;

That moment before the music died, and the birds were still brave enough to sing.

When we still had the courage to dream of incredible things

That we knew, under the intense beating of the sun, were unattainable.

My tongue, made of lead, has turned to silk for you-

Silken roads and unturned pathways that lead away into the fog,

To some far, mystical dream.

But instead, the sunlight caresses the oceans in your eyes.

Inevitable.

Full of life and light that is dimmed in the sunshine

Glaring down on us like the parish and ironic, crossed archways.

We love under the cover of the clouds, waiting for the clearing,

But until then-

The fires we trap in bottles will not suffocate as we watch them drift off into the sunrise of broken dreams and early mist.

These saddened days, dreary and heavy with sorrow dew drops

Glittering with promise beyond the windowpane,

Will give way to paradise and silver cities draped in cotton and coloured banners.

Apartments full of hope and happiness in the sunshine,

Where the joy which resides outside of here, beyond these airy mountains and misty sea,

Will become more than the yearning lurking behind the fog,

Or the sunlight in the dew, reflecting dreams.


	6. Ouija Board

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has died, but his soul lingers in the bunker. Cas and he continue to converse.

Now in death;

A constant state of undeath

Where my soul lingers,

Trapped,

By the veil,

I watch you live;

A constant state of un-life

Where you linger,

Trapped,

By grief.

I still await

That closing line-

A reaper

To take me away from all this

Suffering.

Meanwhile,

We reconnect in the dark.

Yet I retain all those words

That seem easier to say here-

Where your rented body

Cannot reach me,

And I'm unattached

To mine.

But we still converse by the lamplight

And I'm still enraptured

By your smile.

You cannot see me,

And I'm glad

'Cause I'm still crying.

When I'm finally taken away,

I know

That you will stay by this safety rope

Tethering our hearts,

In hope that it might

Reunite us.

And I know

I should be sad,

But I can't help feeling comforted

By the knowledge

That you will never let go

Of my heartstrings;

That I will always have my place

At the other end

Of yours.


	7. Scarves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*whispers* ok, I had a lot of fun with this)

See,

Dean Winchester?

He had always scoffed at romantic tropes,

All those clichés

In melodramatic soap operas he definitely-

_Definitely-_

Did not like.

_At all._

_Okay?_

Chick-flick moments?

Ha! As if

The mighty hero

Would succumb to such...

Schmaltzy...

Sense of style.

Nope.

_Nope._

So that one time-

That _one time_

That Cas-

That sonofabitch-

Forgot his _fucking scarf..._

And that Dean...

_May or may not have_

Lethimsharehisscarfbecauseitwasreallycoldforgodsake

... That _one time, okay?_

**ONE**

**TIME.**

_ **Doesn't count.** _

OKAY, SAMMY!?

IT DOESN'T.

**FUCKING.**

_ **COUNT.** _


	8. Fangs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They fight; Cas tries to apologise. Dean kicks him out.

Apologies drip from my mouth like steak blood onto the beige carpet of hope.

You seethe; words of fire frothing madly between your teeth,

Spit gunpowder and cannon tongue.

Jelly legs and ticking heart; bombs booming in the distance, yet right in front of me.

My hands are ice and eyes are water; rivers building- threatening to break the dam.

Marble teeth and molten tongue, buried under the avalanche of hate poured from your dragon tongue.

Copper snarls and golden fangs gleam under the lamplight.

Lead shoes and jacket of guilt, weighed under the rainfall of pain.

Heavy heart, unlevered shame-

Corpse-chest bared to bullet wounds;

Deadly bites and venom claws

Choked nooses between my cobweb lungs.

Wingless back and unlit halo.

Darkened hallways- aphotic tunnels to the exit line.

One-way gates, un-cobbled road and barbed-wire fury.

The gunfire commentary and war drum heart

Beating lively on the horizon in time with the pulsating sun as it tires;

Bed a mossy treeline and undergrowth between the pillowed clouds.

Darkened skies and fairy lights taunted by corruption storming in the distance.

Thoughts drip from my eyes as tears, blurring crumpled faith-napkins in the roadside dirt.

Untethered trees and leaves swung like baseball bats; home runs flung past the homeless.

Cross-country gamble and desolate eyes, dark with muck and hopelessness.

Fanged voices ringing through empty hallways and cesspools of ice;

Mind of voices- whispering- wishing

To come home.


	9. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean mourns Cas' death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: depression; alcoholism; suicidal ideation.

I remember when looking at you made the sun feel fraudulent and hollow.

I remember when I could trust you with every fibre of my being.

I remember when I called and you came, no matter what; no matter who you were fighting or what it cost you.

There used to be magic here.

It used to be something worth wasting our time away.

Now, I cradle empty beer bottles hoping that they will numb the pain.

Now, I replay music over and over again, thinking of you on the floor-

Dead, with an empty promise and betraying son adopted in faith.

Now, I try to look at him, but all I see are our failures.

Now, I try to talk to him, but every time he speaks I want to scream.

I want to blame him. I want to suffocate him until he knows what he did.

There used to be magic here, and he drained it all away and left behind this cesspool of rage and hopelessness.

I want to kill him. I want to kill them all. I want to die.

I can't do anything right.

I'm the weighing stone, drowning everyone around me in sorrow. Dragging them down into my despair.

(_I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, without you_)

And it doesn't matter-

_I_ don't matter.

I don't care.


	10. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean confesses. Cas responds.

You gaze at me with awe;

Like you're waiting here for more.

As if, somehow, it's not

Clear as the day.

I've been looking for a chance

Where I might retell the past

And I hope that when I find it,

You won't turn me away.

Then you close your eyes and say

That you've waited for this day.

And you ask me what I've done

Through shaky breath.

And I just can't help but laugh.

"Isn't it obvious?" I ask.

"I've been falling,

Falling,

F a l l

i

n

g

Since we met."


	11. Bats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to move on ~

I retell that story of you that night.

Like you deserve it and all the glittering stars.

Catastrophes piled up upon us over and over again,

Yet I'm still enchanted.

I'm still in love with the way you cannot look me in the eyes.

I miss that man-

The rush of adoration like breezes sliding across the barley and oaken fields;

Sidelining the rational doubt echoed across the sky.

You cannot look me in the eyes.

The night I left,

The bats hung from the powerlines, alive like live wires,

And for the first time, I hated you.

I hated your hard, cold eyes

And all those conscripted lines.

So I lit a fire-

Like hellfire and barbed-wire skies-

Burned your world to ashes,

All your cold, green eyes and wildfire lies

In toxic forest, and grain.

My audience applause this cacophony of laws;

Fluttering of bats and bitter rain.


	12. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: 'Amara'
> 
> Summary: A forced infatuation with the Darkness

The darkest breath of fog cloaks the fields, choking the land and everything it yields. Holding onto me with a vice grip which breaks my gaze away from you. I am guiltily enchanted.

I feel estranged. Locked onto her gaze from our resting place, and she knows. She calls to me, and I come, as you would for us.

I am sorry. This manufactured bond breaks through ours; the prickly ice is unbearably thin and cracking, like the mirror in the bathroom I refuse to look in.

I won't face the eyes of a man devoted to the shadows, unbound. Yet bound, fully, unwillingly, in love with a promise I'd never assent.

My love for you burns hotter and brighter than the sun, and I am choked by the clouds that threaten to come undone like a paradise. Paradise together with a half that tore us apart-

I'm hanging on by the seams, desperate to claw my way back- but it will never be enough.

The only way to fight is to want the light, and I am overcome with the will to succumb to the dark; a surrogate heaven of peace and promised shelter. Bliss behind the curtains of rainfall and death, and the ending of everything.

Everything but the happiness I'd never find here, empty, in this vast world of pain.


	13. Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas laments Dean's intimacy/trust issues in regards to the fears of hunting  
(and thinks about what it prevents between them)

I promised you the sun to keep you by my side.

I delved deeper into life to keep you on my side.

I promised them the trouble, I begged for you to stay,

As if broken hearts could ever lead the way.

Your sorrowful dreams of sandy tides,

And hopeful sleep of candy eyes.

They flicker, they wither,

'Til one of us dies.

My head has been lost in the clouds,

And now I know why.


	14. Horror Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all the bad, at least there was some good.

The monsters lurking in the shadows will not leave us;

We carry loaded guns and silver knives in our back pockets and all the hidden crevices.

Every night was a horror as I waited, lying awake to watch his back like an obedient solider-

Orders I didn't listen to were branded into the white of my soul, leaving it tarnished.

Stained.

I did all that I could do- unburied and buried graves; excavations and burial rituals.

My only company, the ghosts which haunted the marigolds.

A family: a long line of gravestones and trauma which shrouds the grieving wanderers in veils.

Our life is a fucking horror movie

I was always so desperate to escape.

I stopped believing in the goodness.

Funnily- when I first heard your voice, it was a screaming, high-pitched ringing which burst my eardrums.

Where you left me- alone under the earth in a rotting coffin,

Fear was all that raced through broken eyes.

Your eyes were so hard- so cold and distant, and unlike anything I had ever seen.

There was no light -I had always been right- and that had never felt so disappointing.

Your kindred was a horror show;

A family: a long line of righteousness and directive. Burning light, yet darker than the shadows of demon eyes.

You were not their kind. You were better.

A friend who kept me going when I was done.

And I l . . .

I admit that there are things about you which make me almost unenvious of the passer-bys,

Because I know that had I been like them, I would never have met you,

And that thought leaves chills running up my spine.

So maybe there are lights within this tunnel of darkness,

And that holding onto them is what makes it worth it.

I'm not sure where this road is leading, and I do not know how far we have come,

But I understand that you always return, no matter what I do, or say.

Our life is a fucking horror movie.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.


	15. Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bottled emotions

Fragile eternity and mortality glitters within our shiny jars,

I pocket tidal waves of oceans and the love of your devotions,

Potions, lined up, leading to the stars.

If there was a way to explain it to you, perhaps it'd be easier to say.

But with the bitterness inside me, frothing teeth and bitter candy...

It's easier to catch these feelings and let them burn on hidden shelves.

And someday, when I trust myself enough,

I'll demonstrate this array of colors and let you gleam knowledge from what they say.

Love may not be a weakness, but right now, it doesn't feel that way.


	16. Skeleton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean mourns Cas

I tried to let loose the seams pulled from the rug under our feet,

Rosy petals littered the floor and I remembered the soft sounds of night.

Aching bones creaking their way through the undergrowth of the floorboards,

Groaning in the dead of the night like they were still alive;

Like we weren't just skeleton bones strung along with darkness and hell-burned strings.

The refrigerator cracks under the grip of my fingernails, the room bathed in silver moonlight.

I'd seen my fair share of horrors, but tonight, against the darkness of everything and hollowness of life, there was no escaping the emptiness of your frozen corpse eyes.

I was drunk on sadness. Wasted, watching the glittering stars waste away, and mourning, and I never wanted to be sober.

I never wanted to come back to life.


	17. Cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon loses connection with his angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This was actually meant to be "cursed objects," but a curse is close enough, right? Yes. Yes it is)

I know how you used to feel.

I know how you used to feel about those thoughts which haunted you at night-

Hating.

Hating yourself for everything you couldn't restrain.

When you looked at me, my heart would explode-

Emotions piled up upon each other like the snowflakes which shadowed your doubt as they clung to the window.

Late nights would taunt you. Empty bottles lay scattered around you. You could barely get up enough to be sick.

And you felt sick. Deeply, innately, ingrained by the years of abuse you had withstood.

You hated yourself. You hated yourself for everything you understood about who you were.

And now, I cannot feel it.

This curse running through your veins has cut me off.

Severed ties with the angel perched on your shoulder, watching, loving, adoring you

In every way humanly possible.

Now I think

I might be more human than you.

I do not sleep. But nights still feel cold and empty without you.

My grace is fading- my light is fading,

And all I want, with every last drop of strength still within me,

Is to save you;

To feel our bond tie back together again

Before I've faded

And it's too late

To bring you back.


	18. Scooby Doo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken Mistake  
(Pt 1)

All that cursed shit-

Hunting through towns for ghouls, shit.

Monsters and blood following us 'round like a fucking parasite.

Hoodoo, voodoo dolls and all that other hippy-dippy trippy shit and witchy crap,

With half-molding limbs and old bones of cats.

Hunting 'round this spell-work like the fucking Scooby gang;

Two broken sons and a fallen angel of the garrison-

Who'd've thought of that?

We're on the road again, and it's messy as all-hell.

Demon packs out the back of some dimly-lit hotel or diner with fuck-all to eat.

Bar fights; drunken nights-

A well-intentioned kiss.

Didn't know it would turn out like this-

Some lost memory like a meaningless one-night stand,

'Xcept everything in me burns in shame like it never has before.

The water from the shower or sink doesn't help at all-

And when he doesn't return the texts or calls...

I don't know what to think.

I don't know what I've missed, or what I did,

And now I sink

Deeper

Inside the chasm of guilt ingrained inside me.

I bet Scooby Doo

Never had to deal with this.


	19. Heaven and Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas deals (or, more specifically, doesn't)  
(Pt 2)

The night has fallen away and the sun blesses the field

My broken wings fall heavy on my back.

The sorry excuse for sacrifice does not contain the guilt.

The road behind me gathers miles as I escape.

I feel the heavy sun beating on my face

And Heaven and Hell can't compete

Against the roaring of my heart, or my head.

I'm lost; drunk, and I can't see up ahead

More than a mile.

The light shimmers in the haze

And I imagine what I'd say if I returned,

Dry tears staining the shirt you ruffled,

As though through your hysteria

You'd found someone to comfort you.

And I know you.

I know that you might care more than you let on,

But repression is the key to withstanding the trauma

You've been through. Always.

Looking out for me is your way.

But let on how you feel, and I'm unsafe.

You think-

You are unworthy

And a curse.

And I don't know how to tell you that you are not.

Because I get it-

Engrained, untrained fear

Of losing everything.

I don't know what you'll say when I get back.

I don't know what _I_ will say when I get back.

And I'm afraid to see you.

Because I'm afraid to lose you again.


	20. Sweaters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has fallen (for) into humanity. Dean doesn't understand, so Cas explains.

The January chill breaks through the cracks in the motel's window frame.

You are blanketed under the piles of spare covers that had been tucked away in the closet.

You left the door wide open. It creaks under its own weight.

It's your first Winter.

Your first Winter since you've fallen,

Since you lost your own grace.

You savour the trenchcoat now.

The one that used to hang off your shoulders out of habit.

I don't think you ever really understood

The significance of the cold

Before you felt it.

Sometimes, you like to add layers.

You lose the suit and don warm sweaters

Under the tan coat.

I won't tell you, ever, but.

It's adorable.

Sometimes you catch me watching you

Huddled against the motel heaters;

Hands held out like a castaway clinging to the campfire.

And I think-

Try _not _to think-

About you falling.

About you giving up your life

For _this._

You said that it was for me,

That you would do all of this for me.

But I don't believe you-

I _can't_.

Humanity is suffering;

It's pain, cold, hunger and death.

You were a star . . .

You glittered up in Heaven with the stars,

And you chose to give that up

For this.

And you told me, it was for _me_,

But I don't believe you-

_I can't_.

And when I asked

_Why?_

You smiled.

You said,

"All the cold in the world

Would be worth it."

"For the cold, there are sweaters,

With the rain, there is shelter,

For sickness, there are doctors,

For the pain, there are helpers.

For everything, I've lost, I have gained.

And I would do it all again to be with you.

To watch you from the ground,

Instead of the sky.

I would do it _all again_

To have you . . .

Why wouldn't I?"


	21. Hoodoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean nearly loses Cas. Toxic-masculinity-based-anger ensues

I thought

That curse

That knocked

You out

Was deadly.

I thought

I had lost you

Today.

Bastard-

Bitch.

That friggin' witch

Nearly

Burned

Our castle

Down.

I think

You're a little

Terrified

Now.

Human,

Fragile,

And sometimes

Afraid.

I rest my palm

Against your cheek

And I hope

That you can

See

Why

I'm angry.

_ I nearly lost you _ ,

I nearly say.

And it feels

So

Weak.

So I

Don't

Speak.

I keep

Silent.

I keep my hand

By my side

After

I pull

Away.

The touch

Was just

A moment

Of vulnerability-

I say

It won't happen again.

_ It won't happen again _ ,

I whisper

Angrily,

Voice

Gritty,

And

Rough

With rage.

'Next time,'

I say.

'Next time,

Watch your

Back,

Or all

I'll have

Is a corpse

To drag

Back.'

I hide

The shudder

That runs

Deep

Through my

Soul,

Reliving

The burial

All over.

'This can't

Keep

Happening.'

I tell him.

'Don't you

Go out there,

Getting yourself

Fucking

Dead.'

I can't

Lose you.

_ Not again _ .


	22. Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He loves me, he loves me not_

My grace dwindles against the dying light of the fireplace.

Light which gleams as sparkles in the irises of your eyes.

Roses die as I pick at the petals and scatter them on the floorboards between us,

Wondering the answer-

Does he?

Does he not?

Burdened; full of ignorant bliss at a random selection.

Courage picked up from corollas littering the candlelight and hearth.

I kiss you under the mistletoe I tell myself is hanging from the ceiling-

For some reason, it seems easier that way

And I know that when you kiss me back, perhaps it isn't so arbitrary

As customs defined by sweet wine, candles and rose petal garnish.

So I know that, perhaps, under sweet fragrance and fading light,

This _is_

(or may be)

real


	23. Window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has another mental collapse. Cas longs to be let in.

You're grappling with light.

Perhaps here is the coldest war you've fought.

You lean against the casket, eyes trained on the gateway to freedom,

And you've locked the door.

Curled on the paper trail of painful memories

By the curtained casement, containment,

And the panes are pressed against you in a crown.

You refuse to put down the bottle.

It creaks-- the floorboards moan as the blood drips from your knuckles.

I wish to be there. Unbury the passkey and let in relief.

The pearly gates stay closed.

But your thoughts-- prayers for helping; begging, loving, crack open the window.

The shotgun tired, nonchalant.

I am a picture, framed by the borders of your mind.

I see your fist, cut, bleeding, and the hole seeping light.

I can feel the shame, and the fear in your eyes,

And I love you.

Still.

How could I not?


End file.
